moments

-Em on Emy Island, Bill Sharp: www.billsharp.wordpress.com/paintings-of-ireland-circa-late-1990s/

      moment (ˈməʊmənt) — n
           1. a short indefinite period of time;
             2. a specific instant or point in time;
             3. physics- a tendency to produce motion, esp. rotation about a point or axis
...

I have these moments.

One second, everything feels strangely…alright. As if you’ve finally put together one part of a gigantic jigsaw puzzle and can safely sit back, rest for a while, bask in its glory, then move on.

But then there’s a tremor. A quake that shakes your entire universe off the very foundation you thought you’d finished laying that one second ago.

It’s always a why. The beginning of the never-arriving end. A constant cycle of melancholy and confusion, of doubt that drowns you like the hysterical tides of an ocean ripped at the seams.

Why?
Because motives we all have many, but time only allows us the pursuit of a few.

Why? Why am I in it?

Is it for the stakes? For the money, for the applause, for the split second of instant gratification?

For the curtain call, the peak of prestige, the delusional expectations?

The seemingly never-ending love, the unspoken joy or just a relentless desire to belong?

Or is it the stability, the safety of a routine…the sake of distraction coupled with a stigma of sitting still?

The fear of the unknown, or conscious oblivion of the known?

Do you do it to prove yourself? Or to have other prove themselves unto you?

To convince yourself you're living a dream or shun the reality that it is nothing but a mirage?

Is it really to assure yourself you’re safe against life's unexpected horrors?

Or to seek control of something that is forever going to be out of your reach?

You question, you seek and you spin around in circles, letting that momentary gush of euphoria fool you when you are doing nothing but driving yourself insane.

Until...

ENOUGH.

Step out of the spotlight. Blind yourself no further.
Stop asking questions you know you do not want the answer to, not yet.

Because questions are not only meant to be asked,
They are meant to be answered.

-Bushra

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